An Incredibly Shitty Situation
by doomSaucier
Summary: Dave decides he's tired of Karkat's "I'm sad, but you're not allowed to know" bull shit. So he goes out to get help from a certain insane clown. What follows isn't exactly what he was expecting. It's supposed to be DaveKat but where is Karkat? Nobody knows. I have no idea what I'm doing. It'd be in your best interest to ignore this. Just trust me. I know myself better than you do.
1. Chapter 1

I really don't even know and I'm incredibly sorry.

Argh.

* * *

Ugh.

He's at it again.

Jesus fucking christ, you'd think the guy who spent the first thirteen years of his godforsaken life keeping the supposedly huge as all hell secret of his blood color to himself fairly fucking successfully would be better in general at keeping his emotions under wraps.

Don't get me wrong, you think to yourself. You are really fucking glad the little ball of rage has finally decided to stop following you and TZ all over the goddamn meteor. Seriously, it's for the best. It was starting to really piss you off. Which is a difficult thing to do, when you consider you are the king of cool.

You are glad for it.

You are.

But now? Well now when the guy notices anyone come in five feet of him, he scurries off like a trapped rat or some shit.

And that is really irritating. Especially when all you trying to do is find another one of the meteors inhabitants.

Plus, he looks...

Well, he looks so unbelievably sad even you feel bad for the dude.

And it's all the goddamn time, too.

All the time he doesn't notice people looking at him that is. You've noticed though, and he's always pretty quick to put on his normal scowl when he catches you paying attention to him.

But the rest of the time he seems to be so deep within his own masochistic little, damn shitty, world, and that can't possibly good. Not when he always looks so close to tears.

It's sickening really.

Naw. Wait.

Fuck that shit.

It's...

It's fucking pitiful is what it is.

Not the troll version of pity either. Maybe.

Vantas was way more fun to rile up before you noticed this shit. The teary eyed looks do nothing for your ego. The nervous shuffling is annoying as all hell, too.

Now you worry you'll set him off, and it'll be the last time anyone'll see him.

Not because you actually care about upsetting the little asshole.

No.

You like to avoid harassing the little nub horned troll leader wannabe because you've noticed that if you don't at least tone down your sick fires as of late your favorite troll galpal will give mouth full of her pimp ass blind chick cane. And that shit hurts, she hits hard and quick. You think it's best to avoid those beat downs the best you can.

Maybe you'll go find the supposedly lucid clown troll.

From what you've heard about the ultra-dangerous five way troll showdown that happened just before you met up with the remaining trolls, Gamzee seems to be the only creature to ever successfully coax a smile from Sir Karkat "Assfez" Vantas.

Maybe if you can convince the troll dude to come out and be apart of the group again, at least long enough to have an apparently much needed feelings jam with Vantas, the little guy can finally stop looking so abjectly sad... and tired.

Plus, you've heard a few things from Rose about some troll quadrant bullshit that's going down between Terezi and Gamzee. You think maybe Terezi's been ditching to do that shit with clown face (the irony, of course, is not lost on you). If you can lure him out to talk to Karkat and possibly Rose, maybe you'll finally go back to having quality time with your best lady friend.

You head down into the depths of the meteor, following your growing sense of danger. Rose said he's no longer after you. You briefly consider the consequences if she's wrong.

You start calling out to the deranged clown, very softly, angling your head towards the vents you know he travels through. You begin to pick up the sound of something moving through the vents. The noise is to loud to simply be the sound of the air kicking in.

"Clown dude, I need to talk to you. It's about Vantas. From what I've heard your the one whose supposed to be taking care of this little problem." You state, glancing around at any and all nearby vents.

A pair of glowing purple eyes glare at you from a vent right next to you. You take a moment to pray that Rose is right about him being all over Terezi in his black quadrant. You also briefly pause to wonder if maybe he wants to straight up kill you like Kanaya used to want to do to him. You tense up as the full repercussions of that possibility sink in.

"So," the sound of the metal grate being removed from the vent and the light sound of the lanky high-blooded troll landing on the ground almost block out the sound of him whispering that one word.

You eye him warily. He seems calm for once. At least calmer than the last few times you've had a run in with the guy.

He takes another step closer to you before roaring, "What the motherfuck do you have to say to me about my moirail?"

You stiffen at the sound of his words, but other than that, you don't move. You don't really trust him not to attack, but you also don't want to start a fight. For once that's not what your here to do.

"He... He looks really fucking depressed. I think that maybe," you pause cautiously at the mean death glare he was giving you, "that maybe, as his mohrealguy, you should spend a little time with him."

Carefully, very carefully you move to look him in the eyes, going so far as to lower your shades so that he can see what you're thinking, "You can't keep hiding from the world-well, meteor. Rose tells me Kanaya doesn't even want to go murder mode on your ass anymore. That excuse ain't gonna cut it."

The large (and somewhat intimidating, you'll admit) troll takes a moment to really look at you. He moves to scratch restlessly at the birds nest he calls hair and shakes his head sadly.

"I don't know if I can rightly do that..." The gangly troll whispers forlornly, "I don't know how the little motherfucker will take the news of my," he sighs deeply and you think you may hear some of his bones crackle against each other, "well, my kismesis with Terezi. I'm pretty motherfuckin sure he'd try to kill me."

You stare blankly at the guy in front of you. He can't possibly mean what you think he means...

"You guys haven't even told the guy yet?" You deadpan to hide your un-ironic shock. It is ineffective. Your eyebrows appear to have merged with your hairline (which thanks to your high levels of cool and ironies is covered by your rather unique hairstyle). He lets out aloud 'HONK' of assertion.

"What the hell, dude? Isn't that something you should of had a whole goddamn talk with the guy about? He's your mohraeal thing for gods sake." You take a deep breath, and suddenly realize you've really let your own emotions run amok since reaching the meteor. "From what TZ's told me about this shit he should have been one of the first to know."

Gamzee gives you this sad little honk and lowers his head, refusing to look in the face anymore.

You spend a few minutes swearing to yourself, and at Gamzee, which seems to agitate the troll across from you.

"Motherfucker, I know already, shut the motherfuck up." He roars at you, swinging out in what you think is an attempt to hit you.

When you dodge easily and he doesn't continue the attack, you wonder if he was really trying to hit you or just take his anger out on the meteor around you both.

Fuck.

Just. Shit.

"You really gotta tell him. Before he is literally the last to know." You point out calmly.

"He'll kill me if I tell him. He'll take my motherfuckin head off for this." Gamzee cries out at your probing.

You're at a loss for words. You don't know what to do. Your not to sure what Gamzee should do either.

You aren't very good in situations like this.

You suddenly remember that Rose is. Or at least she tries to be.

You suggest talking to her about it.

He shakes his shaggy head 'no' and lets out another sad little 'honk'.

"Bitchtits is already up in the know about this shit. She wants to force us into a motherfuckin auspitice. Me, our mutual teal-blooded chica, and herself, that is."

You hear something shuffling and freeze. You both cautiously towards the source of the sound.

You both sigh when you see it's just the Mayor. He seems to have overheard at least part of your conversation. You would ordinarily tease the Mayor. He's said it himself, it's incredibly rude to eavesdrop.

But it stops you for a minute.

Damn.

Looks like Vantas really is gonna be the last one to hear about this shit.

A severely awkward silence ensues as the Mayor tries to pat Gamzee comfortingly on the knee and then scurries off back to his Mayorial duties in Cantown. Or something. The little carapace is strange sometimes.

You stew in your thoughts. Gamzee glances at you, a strange look on his face.

"Well motherfucker, I got to go meet up with Terezi. I'll up and talk to you some other place." You glance up at him, and you guess he feels your gaze and takes it as do as you please, because he scrambles back into the vents, leaving his entrance open.

You glance around the hallway, sigh, and find your way back to your little corner of the meteor.

You pause briefly outside the room you usually share with your troll girlfriend.

And you think.

You are in an incredibly shitty situation.

What will you do?


	2. Chapter 2

So...

You're all a strange group, that's decided to read this against my warning.

Good job. I'm officially weirded out.

Enjoy my FLAGRANT PLAGERISM in this chapter.

Enjoy it. Or else.

* * *

You stare blankly at the door in front of you.

It's covered in chalky finger prints and shitty little doodles, an incredibly large one of Hella Jeff warning off visitors in the center.

You place your hand above one of the more recent doodles, this one of Sweet Bro falling down some stairs. It's colors have already begun to fade and you wince. Quality time with TZ really has been low lately. You briefly curse the clown you just left.

You enter the code that unlocks the door and flash step into the room. Terezi had been here recently. A few new pyralsprites are strung up by their necks. Just as colorful and cuddly in pseudo death as they were in life.

The bed you sometimes share with Terezi (she generally prefers a pile of dragon plushes and chalk) is still messy from when you got up and left this morning, and you just kind of flop haphazardly onto the alchemized mattress.

What are you supposed to do? Your girlfriend has been avoiding you in favor of a murder clown. The murder clown who apparently used to want to kill you. The murder clown that is apparently terrified he wont be able to keep the guy he's supposed to keep calm, calm like he's supposed to because of the relationship he now has with your galpal.

Fuck.

You really need to talk to her.

Your still just a little pissed you had to find out about her relationship with the guy from Rose. It's like Terezi doesn't trust you not to flip your shit because you're human. Like you don't understand she's just a bit different from you.

Which is stupid.

Between her and Vantas you have a pretty good handle on how these quadrant things work. Your not that hopeless in situations involving romance.

It's not like your prone to freaking out a things you really weren't expecting. You'd like to think you were even pretty calm when you found out troll chicks had tentadicks. Especially when she hadn't warned you and shoved it up your ass the first time you had sex.

Why hadn't she told you though? She explained the quadrants to you. You understood them pretty goddamn well. You understand the alien shit. You like to think you understand her.

Goddamnit she's an alien girl from a completely different universe. She sniffs and licks ever new person she runs into just for shits and giggles because of the reaction that kind of shit will get her.

You understand she's different.

Fuck it.

You really don't understand her at all, do you?

You let loose a deep sigh, grasping at your aspect to check the time. Sure you could just check your phone. It's all you really use it for now, since all the people you talk to are either dead, trapped on this rock with you, or traveling to far out in the distance for you to use it to talk to them. But you're to lazy to fish it out of your pocket.

Surprisingly, to you at least, it's already been a couple of hours since you and the juggalo went your separate ways. Who knew stressing took up so much time? You're usually to cool to worry about such things. Man, this shit with Vantas and Co. is annoying.

Or maybe it's just a dream bubble? Those things always seem to screw with your sense of time. Which is really weird. That shit is your aspect. You should always be on top of that.

Getting up off the lumpy mattress, you straighten out your cape and dust yourself off.

When you exit your room and find yourself in a canopy of trees, your pretty sure you've enter one of TZ's dream bubbles. She described her world pretty vividly for a blind chick, and what you're seeing fits her words almost perfectly. The only thing that really seems off is a weird desert like setting off in the distance.

You head down a staircase that wrapped its way around the trunk of tree house room you just left. You pause at the bottom, the sound of voices in the not so far distance.

You head cautiously toward the voices, being careful not to draw the attention of the speakers. If it's not Terezi you're just going to abscond and look for her elsewhere.

You spot Karkat and TZ talking under a tree. You scramble behind a nearby tree. You hone in on the conversation when you hear your name.

"... Dave? Did he do something douchey again?" Karkat is shouting, like he usually does. For a second you almost smile to see his raging. But then his words register.

Well, fuck you, too, Vantas.

When Terezi doesn't immediately respond to his question, the nubby horned troll starts flipping out about you again.

"Did he break up with you? He broke up with you, didn't he? I know it. I could see the writing on the wa-" Terezi cuts him off mid-rant.

"He didn't break up with me!" She yells indignantly. She sighs. "It has nothing to with Dave."

"OK then what?" He asks with a small frown.

"Its," Terezi starts, then pauses. You don't think you've ever seen her so distraught.

"My ancestor." What?

"Yeah? What about her?" Karkat doesn't seem to understand any better than you do.

"She's... She's just... So... Radical..." She just kind of stands there and frowns. However, your galpals words nearly have you in stitches. But only almost. Because she really looks fucking close to tears and you would be a shitty boyfriend to be laughing at her. And that would be uncool.

"Huh?" Is Vantas' charming reply.

"I just did not know it was even possible," She might actually be crying and you've never felt like more of a douche for almost laughing at something. "... to be so rad. I almost can't handle it Karkat."

Karkat looks just as confused as you feel and you let out a soft sigh.

"The radness. How does she do it?" The look of overwhelming sadness that crosses what you can see of Terezi's face hit's you right in the stomach. It is a heavy blow.

"Well, let's see. She rides a fucking skateboard. And that's it. Pretty much end of the explanation." The male troll raves and it seems you are getting another case of the mental giggles. You can't laugh out loud because you might be heard.

"I think it's so much more than that. Everyone loves her. She is so sassy and fun, she's the best at games, and all her stunts are incredible. How am I supposed to measure up to that?"

"Oh come on." Karkat growls out. "Don't tell me this is going to be a thing with you now."

"What thing?" Now it's Terezi's turn to be confused. You maintain your level of confusion, but you think you might know where this is going.

"A self-esteem thing. You really shouldn't be like that, it's so unwarranted."

You really want to laugh. Vantas is yelling at some one over self-esteem issues. It's ridiculous. He has so many problems with that himself.

"Well that's how I feel, so to bad!" Terezi seems affronted by his words. You're torn between wanting to hug her and laugh at the conversation.

"Terezi, I can't stress this enough. You are _not_ in anyone's shadow. let me tell you about our ancestors. They're all assholes."

"She is not an asshole." For some reason Terezi looks seriously offended by his proclamation.

Karkat just kind of gives her this look, like 'Are you fucking kidding me?'. But then.

"No. She is. Trust me. They all are. At least the vast majority. They practically aren't even people. They are walking, talking, like..." Vantas is legitimately at a loss for words. You wish you had a camera for this shit. That kind of thing is a once in a lifetime situation.

You realize you should have been paying attention when you hear Terezi cackle. You tune back into the conversation. But when all he's doing is bashing TZ's ancestor you decide to tune out again.

Until your mind catches his next words.

"... But when you withdraw and cover yourself up like that, you're actually just preventing people from seeing someone who's already beautiful."

Terezi gives Karkat a look, or as close to a look that a blind girl can give, that is tentative and soft. You don't often see that look.

It hits you that he's just hit on your girlfriend.

For some reason you are only a little offended.

Wait he's still taking.

"... I just want you to be happy is all."

There's another lull in the conversation as she seems to take his words into consideration.

Vantas appears to decide that he's shoved his foot in his mouth and has probably made her uncomfortable. He mutters that he just wants her to take some of the shit he's said into consideration and then hightails it up the stairs to the room you guess is his right now.

When you notice Terezi start to follow the guy you flash step into her path.

"'Sup, TZ." You greet her as she stops just before running into you. "I think we need to talk..."

She's not paying you any attention, she's just looking at what's left of Vantas' receding form. When he's gone from her view, she sighs and 'looks' at you.

Then she grins.

You frown.

"Hey, coolkid, what's up?" She asks with a cackle.

You deadpan.

It isn't really effective as she can't see your face.

Well, then.

"I said i think we need to talk TZ." You allow your frown to deepen.

She sniffs the air and sighs, allowing her grin to fall for a second. Grabbing your hand she drags you to a nearby... set of legs? Are those pyralsprite feet. Like the legit dragon thing from her home that raised her.

Well, damn.

She clears her throat and you focus. You were the one who wanted to talk right?

"TZ," You start. She nods in your general direction."Why didn't you tell me?"

The confusion on her face prompts you to elaborate.

"You and Gamzee? Epic blackmance? Ringing any bells?"

She shrugs at the question. You notice she clutches her cane a little more tightly, just below the dragon head.

"Terezi Pyrope..." You mutter softly. She just chuckles sadly. You sigh. This is getting you nowhere fast. So you wait.

You stand together under the canopy of trees. Neither of you really know what to say.

You briefly contemplate your relationship with the troll girl across from you.

You've been pretty close with her ever since you met up on the meteor. She's great she really is. She's funny and sweet. And ridiculous. You both seem to mesh so well. You'd like to think you were a comfort when half her friends were dead. You definitely remember helping her get through the issues she had about Vriska. She's told you that she basically had to kill her sister to save her few remaining friends' lives. You'd like to think you helped her get over her guilt.

You think back on all the feelings jams you've had. How she's always tried to get you to believe in yourself. She's always said that you were a hero. She's tried to convince you so many times it's almost funny.

God you love her so much.

But maybe not the way you should.

Your thoughts have come to head.

She suddenly hits you over the head with her cane.

"What?!" You yelp, rubbing the wound softly.

Damn that hurts.

At her grunt of disapproval you think she might have actually said something. And it was probably important, too, if the small bump on your head is any indication.

"I think," She's just giving of this really sad vibe, and your stomach flips. This can't be good. "That maybe, we shouldn't be in the quadrant we're in."

Shit.

Is she like, reading your mind?

'Cause she sort of can sometimes...

Quckly!

PENIS. PENIS. PENIS. PENIS. PENIS.

The fact that she's still looking at you with this sad look on her face tells you that your suspicions were wrong.

You think for a moment. Those same words were just running through your head. Or at least something similar.

However, you're not sure what to say. So you decide to be a little harsh.

"Shit, 'Rezi is this because of the conversation you just with Vantas? Did his shitty complements make you swoon? Are you really leavin' the king of cool for his lameness? Jeez, gurl I thought you were cooler than that." You said. You made sure to keep your tone light, so as to assure her of your lack of offense.

She hit you over the head again for your troubles.

"My, my, Mr. Strider what have we here? Are you admitting to the very serious crime of eavesdropping?" She cackles, getting all up in your grill. Man her emotions are meteoric today. You didn't expect that to work so easily.

You protect yourself from her cane by grabbing hold of the end of it. She stops fighting and just faces you.

"Dave... Seriously...What do you think?" Her voice is soft and you just barely hear it.

Oh. She's sad again.

You sigh, running a hand over your hair.

"I think, that maybe, you're right." You say finally.

She kisses you softly on the check. Damn. Platonic already?

"Moirails?" She whispers. You nod softly in agreement.

There's another long pause between you two as you simply settle on the ground with her. You grab and drag her close. She cackles at this, but settles in close, turning her back to your chest, cuddling in close under the stars that have appeared since you started talking.

"So..." You say.

"Hmm...?"

"You wanna talk about your ancestor with me?" You ask. You don't actually want to go through this, but it's best to start somewhere.

"Nah."

"How about the rest of the conversation with Karkat?" You hear just the tiniest bit of jealousy creep into your voice.

"Coolkid. I'm ok now. That conversation was from days ago anyway." She says with a light laugh. It's a softer sound than her usually maniacal cackle and it soothes the jealousy you may or may not be feeling away. You realize you shouldn't really be jealous of your moirails other relationships. But then again you only broke up like five minutes ago.

"Wait, what do you mean?"

"This started out as more memory than dream I guess..." She replies.

Oh.

Ok, then.

You give up on talking about Karkat with her and opt to chat about other things. She decides to talk to you about her kismesis with Gamzee now. The little bruises she points out to you worry you and you tell her. She points out they're just a normal part of the relationship. It apparently gets a little heated from time to time. Ok more than a little. She maintains she's not to badly hurt though so you just let it go.

When you mention the simple fact that Karkat still doesn't know about her and clown faces kismesitude, she gives you this sad little grin. Then she tells you she'll talk to Gamzee about it. You think maybe, since she isn't with you anymore, she might just pick up Vantas.

You tell her that and paps you a little hard on the face.

"No..." She says with a sigh. "I don't think it'd work out. For all that he's finally starting to move on, I don't think we should start something just to have it crash because he still wants me in all his quadrants."

The sad little smile makes you squirm and you can't help but think this entire thing is just way over your head.

You decide that maybe it's time you shared your problems with Vantas. Moirailing is a two-way street, and he's still at the forefront of your mind.

But suddenly Terezi is gone. You are back in the room you share with Terezi.

It appears you've exited the dream bubble.

Terezi is probably with clown face, sleeping, wondering where the hell you went.

You grumble about dream bubbles that ruin perfectly good conversations. And then you really think about what you were about to say to your number one gal. You remember how pitiful you think Vantas is right now. You go over how incredibly annoying you usually consider him to be. You think about all the shitty doodles of the guy you've been drawing. Especially the ones involving penises.

You're pretty sure Rose would have a field day with your thoughts.

And then you realize for all of the annoying shit he does you want the guy to be happy. Which is exactly what he wants for Terezi.

Fuck.

You might actual like the little douchebag as something more than you feel comfortable with.

Especially when you remember that for all her protest Terezi is still pretty in love with the guy herself.

Your troll girlfriend-turned-moirail might be in-love/pity with same guy as you.

What now?


	3. Chapter 3

Here's the third chapter.

It's longer than the first and just a hundred or so words shorter than the second.

Is there finally going to be some DaveKat interaction?

* * *

Welp.

You figure you could talk with Terezi about it anyway. It'll probably make things awkward between the two of you though.

You really don't want things to be awkward. Awkward things aren't cool. You want everything to be cool between you.

Maybe you'll talk to Rose?

You get up off the mattress you found yourself on when you exited the dream bubble and exit your room. Again.

The hallway is really quiet, except for the sound of your feet on the cold metal of the ground. Th rhythm is soothing, even and soft. One foot in front of the other. Your thoughts begin to wander as the sound lulls you into a strange calm. Karkat's frowning face pops up in your mind and your sigh breaks the calming spell.

He is just... So sad. You realize he probably wont appreciate all th trouble you've gone through today for his sake. And you guess you understand that.

What if Kanaya is actually still pissed of at the juggalo? Actually, you all know she's still pissed. The real problem is whether or not she's really given up clown hunting. You have potentially put the dude in danger by trying to convince him out of the ducts.

You think Rose might be able to help calm her down, although you doubt it. It's not the job of the girlfriend to keep the murder urges down.

During your musings, you turn the corner down towards Rose's room and spot Vantas outside.

He looks vaguely stricken, as if he saw something he really didn't want to see.

You remember that the girls have finally made it happen.

You smirk.

"'Sup, Vantas?" The look on his face quickly snaps to annoyance. Your heart picks this point in time to skip a beat. What the hell?

"What the fuck do you want, Strider?" He is actually trying to whisper and you want to laugh. That is adorable. Wait, what?

The urge to laugh in his face is still there until you hear a slight moan come from Rose's room. It sounds like her and you freeze.

Hell no.

Hell.

Fucking.

No.

You are not going to listen to the sexy times between your ecto-sibling and her new alien girlfriend.

You abscond right the fuck out of there.

You keep moving until you find yourself several corridors away from Rose and her shenanigans.

A rustling accompanied by the sound of footsteps almost make you jump. Almost. You turn to find the mayor has run into you once again. You're the tiniest bit disappointed to find it isn't Karkat following you. You briefly wonder if your arrival/departure helped uproot him from his spot outside your sister's door.

"Hey, Mayor, what's up?" You greet the little carapace for the second time today.

He just kind of looks at you and fidgets nervously.

Right.

You pull out the little stash of chalk you've hidden in your sylladex. He hesitantly reaches for the green chalk, sliding it carefully from the box in your hand. As he takes it he scampers towards a nearby wall.

_What is wrong, if you do not mind my asking? _He writes his question out in neat little letters. He is always so polite. You wonder why. Kind of. Nah. It's not really important.

Rather than literally write it on the wall for him you answer out loud.

"It ain't nothing you really need to deal with, dude. Just Shouty McNubs has become Pouty DeGrub and it's kind of getting on my nerves."

You've decided the Mayor has enough what with all the citizens of Cantown with issues. He is both the Mayor Cantown deserves and the one it needs. He has enough on his plate with all the "natural disasters" that seem to plague his little city, he shouldn't have to deal with your problems, too.

He seems to have a different opinion on the matter, however, as he hasn't given up at your answer. He has sprawled another question in his neat print.

_Are you absolutely certain? _

It hits you that he really must be worried about you. He rarely leaves Cantown because if he does, he comes back to see the town in near ruins. The simple act of him staying here to make sure you're okay puts your worries ahead of every citizen in Cantown.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I'll be sure to come to come see you if I ever have a serious problem, okay?" You give him a little grin to reassure him and point out that the longer he stays here the longer he's out of Cantown.

He nods eagerly at you and absconds, back to his duties once again you guess.

It takes you a moment to realize he took the green chalk with him.

Oh, well, you guess there's always more where that came from.

Your thoughts slowly drift back to Karkat and you sigh.

You could really go for a bottle of aj right about now.

Apple juice just makes everything better.

You decide to be annoyed at Rose instead of dealing with your emotions for one tiny horned troll. Why can't she make some goddamn apples. She can apparently make corn or whatever the fuck is in gin, but she can't reproduce apples? Fuck that you think she might've lied.

You spend the next few hours wandering from place to place in the meteor, grumbling in equal parts about your lack of apple juice and how adorable you have decided you find Karkat. You make sure to avoid the area where Rose is until a decent amount of time has passed.

You do eventually make your way back to her room though, and are incredibly glad to find that Vantas moved his ass at some point and Kanaya is just leaving now. You wave at her and smirk as she goes a light green. It is equal parts hilarious and awkward.

You find that she is slightly more rumbled than she usually is and you kind of want to tease her about it. You decide that you're not really in the kind of relationship that allows for you to tease her without making things all the more awkward.

You choose to instead ask her if Rose is awake.

She goes a darker shade of green and you outright smile. She just barely manages to nod in embarrassment. You thank her and she rushes off as quickly as her sense of decorum allows her.

That certainly was awkward.

You find Rose sitting in an incredibly comfortable looking arm-chair. She appears to be writing in a book. You choose to assume it is some of her shitty wizard porn.

"Hey, Rose." You greet her carefully. Although you really want to talk about this with someone, you question the decision to talk about it with her. You're pretty sure she'd get off on this shit and you suddenly don't want to talk to her about it at all.

She looks up at you with this wry little look, smirking as you drop dramatically into the chair next her despite your misgivings.

"Well, well. Isn't this a lovely surprise? My dearest brother has decided to stop by for a chat. What could have possibly made you decide to give me the pleasure of your company?" She's laughing at you with those words, but she looks a little tired, and your mind swings back to the times you've had sex with Tz. You've always felt so energized after getting off, why does she seems so tired. Did she not orgasm?

You thoughts abruptly scatter as the voice in your head reminds you that she is in fact your sister, you shouldn't really be asking these questions, what are you doing?

Rose is looking at you and smirking, almost as if she understands exactly why you're being so quiet. That is a little creepy so you try to reign in your thoughts.

"Brother?" The word is simple and the question in her voice helps bring your mind to the task at hand.

"Right, so I kind of wanted to talk to you...," There is a short pause as you struggle with whether you really want to talk to her about this. You just get on with it, "... about Vantas..."

She briefly looks surprised and your eyebrows soar. The girl who is always in everyone's business with her Seer powers is surprised by something you said? You have a brief feeling of smugness as you realize she isn't as on top of everything as she usually is.

She gives you a look of annoyance and seems to focus on something just over your shoulder.

"Ahhh, I see..." Your momentary joy at getting the drop on her is lost at the words and you groan in mild frustration.

Fucking. Seer. Of Light.

"Really, Rose?" You grumble as she smirks at you. The metaphorical ball is back in her court.

"Yes, Dave, really. Now what exactly seems to be the problem?"

You glare at her a moment and choose to actually think the question over one more time before answering.

You're pretty sure your ex-girlfriend likes the same guy you like. You suddenly realize how gay that sounds.

Well... Is.

You're also not sure how strong your feelings are and have exactly no clue as to what the guy feels for you. Other than supposedly platonic hate that is.

Shit.

This whole situation is still pretty fucked.

"Perhaps this is more of a job for our dear Ms. Pyrope? Or maybe you should talk to Mr. Vantas first? He is the center of your problems after all." She grins at your sigh of desperation and you flip her the bird.

"Well, Ms. Seer of Light," You start angrily," I don't want to have this fucking conversation with TZ because I'm pretty goddamn sure she's still in like pity for the asshole. I don't want to talk to Vantas because he is an asshole whom I am not even sure I have strong feelings for."

"You wouldn't have spent all day trying to solve his problems for him if you didn't feel for him, Dave. You're the type who tries to help anyone close to you who is in pain. The more you feel for them the farther out of your way you seem willing to go. He appears to be the same way, if that means anything. And the issue with Terezi isn't really an issue."

Her words are slow to sink in your mind. What the fuck? How isn't Terezi being in love with the guy an issue? You blatantly ignore her suggestion that you and Karkat are similar. You may like the guy but you will always be a thousand times cooler than him.

What are you even thinking that's not relevant.

When you continue to sit there grumbling, Rose decides you are done here. She shoos you out of her room and you actually leave willingly. She still looks pretty tired and it's kind of getting late if your internal clock is right. Which it is. You're the goddamn Knight of Time, why wouldn't it be right?

While the talk didn't with her didn't exactly solve your problems (alright, it just made it worse, fuck) it did give you something to think about.

The issue with TZ isn't an issue? How the fuck... Goddamnit you are tired. You have spent the entire day seriously thinking. You figure now is probably as good a time as any to catch some z's. Even Striders need their beauty sleep.

You find your way to your room. It appears that Terezi has been here. She's removed most of her stuff, leaving a small pile of dragons in a far corner. For some reason you weren't really expecting that. It finally hits you that you two have really broken up.

The thought makes you really sad all of a sudden, and you allow your body to flop uselessly onto your bed. You think maybe you should change out of your godtier pj's for once but think better of it. Terezi may have cleared her shit out of the room, but that doesn't mean she won't be back. Being half-naked in front of your ex-girlfriend is still awkward even if she is technically your moirail now.

You try to quiet your mind, but your thoughts just keep going over the shit you've been trying to deal with. You sigh as you find your body is willing but your mind is not.

Your body's telling you yes, but your mind, your mind's telling you no.

Fuck.

That's not how that goes.

You are really fucking tired.

Your mind finally quiets a few hours later, but you find that your body has regained some of its energy while you lay there uselessly.

Fuck your life.

Fuck it all to hell.

Your mind registers that as something Karkat might say and you sigh again. Looks like there's no sleep for the wicked. (You realize that isn't how that goes either).

You get your ass back up out of bed and decide that maybe now would be the perfect time to try to do the thing that Rose failed spectacularly at.

It is time to recreate some goddamn apple juice. You are thirsty as fuck and that shit is the best.

You are jolted awake several hours later by a light touch on the shoulder from your sister. You are covered from head to toe in weird ecto goo. You are not the ectobiologist. That was John's job.

You have also failed at recreating the delectable nectar of the gods, and the look on Rose's face as she gives you a once over makes you cringe. She is way to happy to see that you have also failed.

"So, dear brother, have you figured out your problems with Mr. Vantas yet?" These are not the words you were expecting. You thought she would mock you for even trying to make the apple juice when she failed.

The fact that she isn't doesn't actually make you feel any better.

"Fuck you, Rose."

You glare at her over the rims of your sunglasses to help get the point across. You're totally not doing it because there's too much goop on the lenses to see through them. Ugh. Stupid goo.

She snickers at your anger and moves to help you clean up the mess you've made. Ectobiology is hard. It is hard and nobody understands.

"I don't know..." You answer the question she asked earlier. Her raised eyebrow tells you she doesn't follow and you elaborate. "The shit with Vantas. I really just don't know."

She smiles softly at you. You flinch. It may be soft but there's a sinister feeling behind the smile. You eye her, waiting.

"Dave, you really need to talk to Karkat. It is imperative you do it. Before it's too late."

"What do you mean by 'too late'?" You ask, panic gripping you. Why the fuck would you be too late? Fuck. What does she mean?

She ignores your questions again, ushering you out into the corridor again. When you try to raise the question again she just waves you off.

"You just have to find him, Dave. Convince him he needs to stay here with us." Her words only fuel your burgeoning panic, and you choose to sprint to the room he usually occupies.

When you don't find him there you want to scream. The fact that that would alert everyone to how uncool you're feeling right now is the only thing keeping you from doing it.

You flashstep to all the other places he would usually be and even a few he wouldn't and come to the conclusion that you may already be too late. Goddamn it you are a Hero of Time. You shouldn't be too late.

Alright.

Calm the fuck down Strider.

You are the epitome of cool. It is you.

Now where the fuck is the guy you want to have as your future boyfriend hiding? He isn't really the type to just disappear without a trace. That's just not something he does. If he's gone, someone on this floating rock will know where he went. Who would that be?

Your mind instantly settles on Terezi. If Karkat has left the rock, she is the most likely to know where and why. She's always seemed to have an insight into the guy's mind. You decide that probably has something to do with her mind powers.

You still don't want to talk to her about him but you realize she may be your only hope.

Where the fuck is she though?

* * *

The answer is no. No, there is not. Not really anyway. :P


	4. Chapter 4

I am really, really sorry. Should I ever, EVER, _**EVER** _take longer than like two weeks to post things I give you guys my full permission to just spam me mercilessly until I post the next chapter. Four months is just ridiculous.

Although, I'm just enough of an asshole to say I did warn you in the summary not to read this. Little did anyone know the warning was there because of my own fickleness and propensity to leave things undone for as long as possible before getting annoyed with myself.

Anyway, here's chapter four already.

* * *

You've been all over this rock and seen neither hide nor hair of any of the trolls. The areas usually occupied by the others are sadly empty. Somehow, you find that more annoying than having them all underfoot twenty-four/seven.

Where the hell is everyone? Literally any of the other occupants of this shitty meteor would be welcome to your panic party of one.

Wait, no, not a panic party. You never panic, what're you saying? Panic is for people who aren't so cool polar bears are jealous. Panic is for those who know fear and can't face it. You were born in the ice cold waters of Antarctica, where you once challenged a narwhal to a sword fight. The narwhal trapped you at the bottom of the goddamn ocean, the coldest place on god's green earth, and did you panic?

_Of fucking course not._ As you have previously stated: You. Do. Not. Panic.

Anyway.

You've never seen this place so empty. It's creepy as all hell to wander around for half an hour and see nothing but the shadows. They move bit as you try not to rush through the common areas of existence. You've spent hours just wandering around before and you don't think you've been everywhere it's possible to be as of yet. It's kind of why the shitty clown was able to hide so well.

You even stop by Cantown to find… the town is fully intact with no Mayor to be found.

You let out a calm and collected laugh.

It's impossible for them to have all left the meteor… right?

Right… They would have sent someone to tell you about it, at the very least.

Haha. Yeah. Of course.

Fuck.

You begin flash-stepping through the meteor, checking vents and even the most remote hidey holes. There has to be someone on this godforsaken rock. They can't have left without you noticing. You just saw Rose like a half an hour ago, you know they aren't all gone.

You want to scream each time you find an empty room that you are used to being occupied by the assholes you share the meteor with.

Shit.

Shit. Shit.

Shit. Shit. Fuck. Shit.

Nope. Nada. Zip

Fuck.

Goddamn it.

Why?

Fuck.

Just as you flash past Kanaya's room you hear her call out. You freeze mid-step.

"But, Karkat-" Her voice is strained at best, which coupled with Karkat's name draws you closer. In your heart you apologize to the Mayor for your continued rudeness and flatten yourself to the nearby wall.

"No, Kanaya, I can't deal with this shit right now. I just-" He pauses for a minute and somehow you know he's moments away from crying. There's the sound of movement, someone is moving closer and you hold your breath. "No."

"Karkat, please, I was just trying to help you." She sounds, kind of, heartbroken? You don't exactly understand why, but you feel an overwhelming desire to help the jade-blooded troll.

You hear shuffling coming from Kanaya's door way and you flatten yourself even more. Despite having found one of the people you've been seriously searching for you can't just leave a damsel in distress. You flinch as you see Karkat run past you.

God damn it.

He saw you. He looked absolutely pissed, but it looks like the need to abscond is greater than his need to rant at you for listening in on his personal conversation.

You sigh. He can probably wait a few minutes. You watch his rapidly receding form and turn to where Kanaya will be coming from. You flash-step your way into her path.

"Karkat wai-Oh, Dave. I did not see you there." She rushes right into your waiting form and you narrowly stop her from getting around you.

"Well, that'd be because I was ninja-ing my way around. Can't nobody see ninjas when they're ninja-ing and shit." You joke and she eyes you up and down warily.

"Oh, right. Of course."

There's an awkward lull in the conversation as she peeks over your shoulder. You rub silently at your face and decide it'd be best to just get find out what's wrong so you can both maybe work to find Karkat and maybe Terezi, too.

"What was King Krab refusing to do?" You ask cautiously. Her haze quickly latches back on to you, a little flick of annoyance in her features. Right, seems eavesdropping is rude on Alternia, too. Or maybe she just doesn't like it when people do that to her. Could be either one.

With the look she is giving you, you are expecting a "Fuck off, Dave." Or "How is this any of your business?"

Instead she just asks a simple "Why?"

This is a great question. One you don't really have an answer to.

"I, uh, well, I guess I Just can't leave a dame hanging. That's like the one thing a knight should never, ever do, it's like the anti-knight, only an evil wizard, or some shit like that, would leave a girl to her own devices when asked for some help. You seem pretty hell bent on doing whatever it was you want to do, least ways. What can I do for you? I'll be your knight in dull red god pajamas."

"Oh. I don't know if you can really help…" You both sigh. You end up placing a smirk upon your face, eyeing her up a little bit more closely.

She's having a hard time keeping the lights down, she's that bothered by whatever is wrong. For some reason she whips a bottle of what appears to be… liquid peanut butter… out of her sylladex. She takes a quick drink of it and the light from her skin dims a bit.

Well, alright then. You guess that was troll blood. Makes sense as she is a troll vampire.

Yep.

"Karkat refuses to talk to Gamzee for reasons I do not quite understand and frankly it bothers me that he is so avidly against talking to his moirail." She inhales sharply, looking at you, confusion written clearly on her face. "So I have simply tried to get him to share the details of his apparently crumbling moiraillegiance-now that I think about it that was not truly the best way to word that- but I was simply trying to get him to open up about his feelings and I-"

"So you think his relationship with the clown is going south and you just kinda tried to… I guess it'd be… pail flirt with him?" You suggest as mildly as you can. She looks forlorn though, so you try not to let how vaguely amused you are show. It seems you aren't the only one facing incredibly situations involving a certain nubby horned troll.

The difference is she may be losing a friend because of it.

"I suppose this was not one of my best decisions. I am troll enough to admit that. But I can not stand to see him so upset, with no hope of it getting better. He simply needs to talk to _someone_."

She's looking at you with a weird glint in her eyes. You choose to ignore it in favor of rambling like an asshole.

"Dude just really likes to wallow in my honest opinion. You aren't gonna get him to be any less of an asshole if he really wants to be a butt. I see where you coming from girl, but maybe this ain't the best way to go about it."

She gives a dry laugh at this and you smirk again.

The overwhelming need to help her has abated with the knowledge that Kanaya is just having 'rail problems.

"If you're having moirail problems I feel bad for you son, I got ninety-nine problems but my moirail ain't one. Haha." You mumble. You look back at her to see her looking confused once again. Right. That really wasn't one of your better moments.

"I, uh, got to go. I needed to find Terezi for something. Or maybe Karkat…" Yeah probably Karkat. You at least have an idea where the dude is.

Her face lights up at the mention of the grouchy assholes name. Literally. Her face is glowing once again. It is somehow hilarious.

Some part of you wants to burst out laughing at this. Must resist. Must not laugh at sparkly teenage vampires. Must not embarrass the chainsaw wielding troll girl.

You succeed but just barely. Your face actually physically hurts from the effort of keeping a straight face. You are really becoming emotional. Your bro would be disappoint.

This thought manages to sober you up quickly.

You might have been staring because she coughs into her hand to grab your attention.

"You would not mind looking after him for me, would you? Rose and I have plans, which I momentarily forgot while speaking with Karkat. I am already very late as it is."

You squint warily at her. Whenever you and Karkat have argued around her in the past she would really antsy, like she wanted to intervene. To stop you from getting into physical fights you suppose, and keep Karkat from getting hurt.

Now she is pushing you towards the douchebag.

This has the mark of Rose all over it. You really don't know whether you should be pissed she's telling the others about your problems or glad Kanaya is approving of this.

You choose to just accept your fate and nod in agreement to Kanaya's request. You have to talk to the butt munch anyway. He might listen to you a little more willingly if he knows you are trying to help out Kanaya.

Then again... Karkat is mad at the girl right now.

Shaking your head you try to refocus on the task at hand. You need to get to Karkat before whatever Rose is trying to get you to stop can happen.

You hear Kanaya move off in the opposite direction from Karkat and you call your shoulder.

"Yo, if you see 'Rezi, tell her I need to talk to her, too. Feelings jam and shit." You flash step in the general direction of Karkat instead of waiting for a reply. She's reasonable enough you don't doubt she'll tell Terezi if she runs into her first. You just need to focus on getting to that asshole before something stupid. Or, to be technical, before he does something stupid _again. _

The hallway is devastatingly empty as you move down it. You keep looking everywhere, making sure to check any and all doorways and side halls. He has to have gone somewhere nearby. He can't just leap through space goddamn it. You move faster and faster as you continue to find empty rooms and dead end hall ways.

This is it.

This is the last door down this way.

He has to be here.

There is nowhere else to go.

Your heart is trying to run its way right out of your chest, with how fast it's beating. You take a deep breath in an attempt to calm your ass down. You can do this.

Why is your heart racing like this?

What the actually fuck?

He's a crabby asshole, he is easy as hell to taunt, you should not be-not panicking-uh, worrying?

You guess worrying about people is a cool enough thing to do. People like it when they now you care about them, right?

Yeah.

You shouldn't be worrying about how he reacts to you. You've never worried about this before. Why start now?

You know.

Right as you are about to talk to the dickbag?

Fucking hell.

You take a deep breath, patting your somewhat damp hands against your pants until they are dry.

Reaching out to activate it you just barely miss the button to open the door.

Haha.

You can do this.

Get boons, fuck bitches and shit.

You finally open the door to find-

Oh, shit.

Shiiit.

God. Fucking. Damn. It.

It is a room of transportalizers. There are at least fifty of them. Each has a symbol floating above it. You recognize the record from your old shirt as well as the weird atom shape on the shirt Jade was wearing when you when you helped her with the frog shit on her planet so long ago. There are two sets of each sign of the zodiac, each a slightly different color.

Well, fuck.

You rub your forehead tiredly. It shouldn't be this difficult to find and talk to this guy. He followed you and Terezi around religiously for like a year. He never even really tried to hide himself from you before. He pretty much made it impossible for you not to notice him

You were his sempai. He was clearly desperate to receive your attention. As well as your love.

Ffff. You were never good with anime stuff. You don't really know how to describe what's going on in your head right now;

You are the wrong Strider to do shitty anime tropes with anyway.

You glare despondently at the various plates on the ground.

Oh.

Lucky you. There seems to be only two or three that are actually in working order.

Upon inspection, your own record symbol appears to be spinning in place. Your mind is playing a haunting refrain as it watches the disc spin around and around.

Then there's Terezi's sign. As you get closer to it, you notice a faint image of one of her dragon plushies. You look at the other Libra sign and spot a skateboard. Right. You guess those are there to help you tell the difference between the two. There really isn't much difference between the colors of the signs, if there's actually a difference at all.

And finally, there's the grey Cancer sign that you've grown accustomed to seeing branded on Karkat's sweater, floating there laughing at your very soul. You get the sudden urge to just hop on it and hope for the best.

So you do.

* * *

You all wanted some Kanaya. Or at least those of you who gave your opinions on the matter.

So you got some Kanaya.

Or at least an attempt at Kanaya.

Heckle me on tumblr. I am mageoftime

you'll get extra points if you heckle me the way I choose to heckle others.

And by that I mean shouting the word heckle repeatedly.


	5. Chapter 5

At least it's been one month instead of four, right?

Haha. Right.

No. Not really.

* * *

_It's cold. _This is the first thought you have when stepping off the transportalizer platform.

No wonder the little shit still wore his thick woolly sweaters all the time. It was clearly to keep his ass warm in the near arctic cold of his residence on the meteor. Jesus christ if his actual room is as cold as this goddamn hallway, you will personally move all his shit to your own goddamn room. As soon as you...

Wait.

You shake your head of the thoughts running through your head. You need to slow down a bit haven't even talked to the guy since you started down the road to potential Karkat happiness. You're getting a little bit ahead of yourself.

Fine. You're getting way ahead of yourself. You're so far ahead in this race to figure out you're own goddamn feelings you've forgotten Vantas has an opinion. How the hell did you even manage that?

Realistically, except for the times you've flustered him to his breaking point, you don't think he's ever expressed an opinion on you either way. The handful of times you've allowed him to do story time with Karkat, he really just looked annoyed to be in your presence. Buy he was so dead set on "educating" you that he tolerated it.

Really thinking about it, Karkat doesn't even like you. And in reality you've only consciously liked the guy a day and a half or so. You're not 100% sure it's anything beyond a man crush.

You're really sure why it feels wrong to think that.

But it does.

And it hurts for some reason. It hurts so fucking bad. Your heart feel like it wants to just fall right the fuck out of your chest at the idea.

That's not what's important though. Your feelings need to be set on the back burner. You're a boy-god-man with a mission.

Rose's warning echos in the back of your mind.

You need to find him quickly.

Right.

Karkat's room is somewhere nearby. You can tell that much from being in the hallway. It always smells faintly of over carbonated drinks and loneliness. Okay maybe not the loneliness. But you know he's isolated himself as best he could. And that kind of isolation does give the area a strange feeling.

From the looks of things, someone has knocked out the power in this section of the meteor. Or maybe the lights have just burnt themselves out? Who even knows. It's just really dark.

Which poses a problem.

You can't see where you're going, even with your shades pushed down your nose a bit. Without the usual light, it's pitch black, and from previous experiences trying to just fumble your way through normally darker areas of the meteor, that puts you at danger of running into the few creatures left inside the giant glass cases left through out the rock. Not the ones that are actually still inside the cases thought.

The ones that have escaped, however...

Thinking about the monsters that may be haunting the halls doesn't really solve your visibility issues. Your mind jumps to your sylladex.

Maybe...

You whip out your virtually useless iPhone. It takes a few moments to turn on but the dim screen gives you some light and so you turn it to it's brightest setting.

Success.

Sort of.

You aim the screen at the dark corners and crevices of the hall. You're not as close to his room as you originally thought you were, but the light gives you a bearing on where the hell you are relative to that and you allow yourself a very genuine grin an a quiet chuckle.

You'll find him yet.

Moving forward, you turn left here, right there, and head up some stairs. You notice there are random spots of wetness here and there that seem to be leading somewhere. That you can't really figure out what it is worries you. The metallic smell in the air and the dark color of the stuff suggests it might be blood. The lack of strong light makes you even more nervous about the dubious contents of the little pools of liquid.

You pick up your pace as you get closer to where you remember Karkat's room being.

Don't panic. Don't. Nope. Nope. No. You aren't going to panic over a few puddles. No that's not the thing you are going to do. Not what you're doing right now. Nope.

Shit.

What if he got hurt fighting something off in the too dark hallway? Logic says he should be able to fight a goddamn mutant monster thing, right?

Right.

Yeah.

Yep.

You flash step the last few paces and stop yourself just outside his door. The largest puddle you've seen so far seems to be right in front of his goddamn door.

Fuck.

Key smashing the code pad doesn't help get the door open. Some part of you wants to do a spectacular pirouette of the goddamn handle. But you can't let yourself do that right now. You give a small start when you realize there's a small sound coming from behind the metalic door. It's not clear, but you can hear heavy breathing. And muttering. You think.

"Yo, Karkat, man I need a sec. Could y'know? Maybe open the door?" You try to keep your voice as even as you can. The sound of someone or something moving makes you want to simultaneously cringe and leap for joy.

"Get the fuck away from my respiteblock you nookwhiffing buttmunch. I don't feel like dealing with ginormous douchelords at the moment."

He doesn't sound like he's doing well, but it's definitely Karkat.

"Aww, but I really wanted to have talk. This is life or death man. We gotta have this conversation."

"No. I saw you lurking like some kind of creeptastic pawbeast outside Kanaya's block. If you're here to talk, it's at her prompting." He sounds closer to the door, his voice is actually a little less wobbly as well. It gives you hope.

"Naw, dude that ain't it. Alright that isn't completely true. But there was a reason i was waiting by Kanaya's room." This doesn't seem to be working very well at all.

Fuck it all.

"Oh, really? What reason could you possibly have, hmm? Besides being lackadaisical bitchshitting fuckwad?" He snorts and you rub your forehead gently.

"I've been trying to find you all day you dick. You were being loud as fuck as per the norm and I stopped when I heard you." You might actually sound a little bit pissed right now. Rose's words of urgency and the suspected blood puddles have really thrown you off your game.

Haha.

Totally.

"Oh, I'm sure you were Strider. I believe that. Not. Maybe you should stop being a spongedead ignoramus for once and think up a better set of lies. No one wants to deal with my hoofbeast shit, so they avoid me like i'm a steaming pile of the stuff. 'Oh, don't go over there, Karkat's being a dickmongering taintchafing shit. Can't let him ruin our day with his whining clusterfuck of unnecessary feelings. No siree.'" He sighs, giving you the opportunity to get a word in edgewise.

But what do you say?

"Karkat, can you shut up for a minute. No? Too bad." This is going to end badly, you can feel it in your bones. You wince as you move in the puddle of questionable substance. "I just wanted to make sure you were-"

"-Ok? The answer is no. Alright. You've done your job. Goodbye douchewaffle." The only sound anymore is your own distressed swearing and Karkat's muffled shuffling. He is moving away from the door and you just kind of pound on the door uselessly.

"Karkat. Karkat, dude will you just let me in? Karkaaat. C'mon, man, I wanted to talk to you about something, and i need to see your face for it. Hey. I will start calling you by every mangling of your name I can possible think of if you don't come here and let me make sure you're ok. Karkles. Karkrab. Karkitty. Kargato. Karbine. Karkar. Kitkat. Vantass. Vantizzle. Vangogh. My neezy Karkeezy. Karkitty Vantitty. Karkili-"

He opens the door and attempts to punch you in the face. You almost slip as you dodge and slip quickly inside the room.

"Holy shit yes, finally."

"Shitty crotchstained-Strider, is it really that impossible for you to just leave me to my own shit? Get the fuck out of here!"

You glance at the puddle in the doorway and repress the urge to hug him in your relief. The liquid is now more discernibly clear and watery. It kinda looks... almost... rusty? Who even knows. But rusty water is better than bloody puddles and you calm down a bit.

Eyeing him up, you notice his clothes are dirty and his exposed skin has a mess of tiny little cuts and newly forming bruises.

"What in the holy hell happened to you?" He flinches at the question, either because you're suddenly in his personal space or he is actually bothered by your concerns. Or maybe he just noticed them himself.

"Clearly I've been fighting a loosing battle with this god forsaken meteor and it decided to trip me up while it knew I was blind to all of its most dangerous whims." He grumbles on like that for a little while and you continue to scrutinize him. He apparently can't take your confused staring and blurts out: "I fell down the goddamn stairs and landed on a pile of horns."

Some part of you wants to resist.

You really don't want to make this joke. He could've been majorly hurt. Stair related injuries are pretty dangerous. You once broke your arm falling down the stairs after strife. He landed on some goddamn horns. That sounds both painful and obnoxious.

"I-haha-no nope-I wa-um..." It almost physically pains you not to say it. You can do this Strider. The Mayor believes in you. He would be so disappointed to learn you laughed at someone else's misfortune. It's incredibly impolite.

You will not quote Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. Even if it is a near perfect set up.

He's glaring at you. He knows what you want to say.

Or maybe he's just pissed that you laughed at him. He'll probably force you out if you let the joke slip. Or at the very least try to. The last time he tried to use force on you didn't go so well. He certainly won't hear you out if you mock him.

You cough into your hand, clearing your throat. Everytime you look at his face though, you want to laugh harder. He just looks so dejected yet absolutely livid at the same time. It's pretty fucking hilarious in your do eventually quell the need to make the joke, but now he just looks super exasperated.

"Are you finished now, shitclown?" He's back to simply glaring at you in his annoyance. It's kind of cute.

But now is not the time for thoughts like that.

"Yep. Except for the whole talk to you about shit thing." A deep sigh escapes you as you rub the back of your neck nervously. "So Rose has told me you were going somewhere."

He continues to glare-although it's less angry, a lot more stern-at the mention of your sister. Right. He doesn't 'hate' her 'platonically' like he does you.

"Who the fuck cares? I can hop of this shitty little rock if I want to." He doesn't really want to talk about it. Shuffling nervously, avoiding looking right at you, shifting his shoulders toward the center of his body.

"I care. Terezi cares. Kanaya's obviously worried. I saw the asshole clown yesterday, he seemed upset about you, too." He refocuses on you at the mention of his moirail, and you can tell by the look on his face there is something going on between the two. "I guess Rose cares too or she wouldn't have sent me, would she?"

When you point out that Rose sent you, Karkat just stares at the wall, letting a silence form. He clutches his arms closer to his body, hand making a fist, releasing, forming it again. He's paying enough attention to notice you were going to start up the talking again and stops you, his hand inches from your face.

"She's been sicing all you assholes on me." It looks like he's angry you guys been trying to talk to him. "Can't you douchey shitfingers leave me alone? Fuck, Meenah just invited -"

"Wait, who is Meenah again?" The name does sound kind of familiar. You're not sure why though. The look of annoyance at your interruption he sends your way silences you though and he explains.

"Meenah is the dancestor of Feferi, my fri-"

"Fuh-fwho what now?"

"If you would just let finish my goddamn sentence you'd know exactly who the both of them are by now. But no, you keep interrupting me like an overzealous barkbeast. Just. Let. Me. Talk." The look he gives you lets you know he'll just leave if you interrupt him again.

Right.

Zip your lips man.

"As I was saying. Meenah is Feferi's dancestor. Feferi was the one who healed your shitty mayo r. Or at least an alternate version of her anyway."

Oh. Meenah's the one you had that really awesome rap off with. Thinking back on it, that was probably really obvious. You almost make affirmative noise, but he glares you into silence once more.

"Meenah invited me to join her army. I figured, why the fuck not? It's not like you grubfucks need me here. You all have been avoiding me in favor of spending time with each other. And she's at least tolerable on the douchjerk-o-meter, unlike you, Strider."

Grom what you remember of your conversations with the girl, what she was planning wasn't the safest shit in the world. She wanted to fight Lord English head on, which didn't really seem like the brightest move, seeing as he can warp time-space. Karkat's as good as dead if he goes with her.

This explains a lot.

Karkat is looking at you expectantly. Great. You're allowed to talk again.

Great.

"So, you're leaving epic times here with friends,

in favor of meeting a girl, and probably your end?

That's a real goddamn shame.

Can't imagine loosing you to her wiley games.

Why don't stay here and doze instead?

Rather than leave, getting yourself killed? Straight up dead."

"Shut your shitsquatting crotchstaining mouth, Strider." His hands forcibly silence you. "You are not allowed to spew your shitty slam poetry at me, now or ever. Do you understand?"

You sort of glare at him. He won't let you go. The palm of his hand is clammy against your lips. You suppose you could simply flash step away. But that kind of defeats the purpose of trying to talk to him. Either there'll be no rapping, or there'll be no listening.

You gently lick his hand. It's a lot saltier than you expected. Weird. A look of disgust crosses his face but he doesn't move away.

You take that as a challenge and slowly lick little swirls on his palm. He uses more pressure in attempt to clamp your mouth shut.

Haha nope.

You open your mouth wide and snap back down on the fleshier part of his hand. He flinches away from you the instant you do. You think it's more out of surprise than actual pain. You smirk as you notice he's actually blushing a bit. It's light, barely even there really. But with him it's really obvious it's there.

You mentally shake away your thoughts and get back to the task at hand.

"Yes. Fine. No more awesome rhymes for you."

"Fuck you, Strider."

"Maybe later." You waggle your eyebrows seductively.

He tries to escape. You'll have none of that right now. Grabbing him, you force him to look at you. Not really force. ou just kind of tilt him so he's actually facing you and let go of him again.

"I, personally, think most of what Rose does is utter bullshit."

Karkat looks at you questioningly.

"That being said, she wouldn't be sending people after you to talk you out of leaving the rock, if she didn't have a goddamn reason. I don't know what seer tomfuckery she's involved in. I don't really care either. All I do know is that going with Meenah will put you in danger. And we need you here, as much as you don't really think we do."

"Really? Who the fuck needs me here? You? Ha. Fuck you, you grubshitting nookhumping bitchfucker. Did it occur to you that I just don't want to deal with you fuckdroppings anymore?"

Ouch.

"Sick fires bro." You whisper.

Confusion is all you receive at the comment so you move on.

"I just want you safe. I can't let you-or anyone else-hurt themselves dude."

Karkat just sort of scrunches in on himself at that. You really just want to hug him. He looks so tired, so... almost broken? He's not the type to allow hugs, so you resist the urge, as a cool kid should. Respecting boundaries is a thing that you do, when the need for boundaries is actually a thing.

Karkat still looks like he just wants to leave. A part of you, mainly the part that just wants the fucker to be happy, wishes you could let him leave like he wants. But you can't. For many reasons.

You try to get through to him again.

"Could you please just stay here with me?"

You hear the desperate note that's in your voice loud and clear. Luckily, or maybe unluckily, he does too. You're sort of panicking at the weakness that note makes you feel. You just can't let him go. Not when it feels like all you've been doing lately is look at for him.

He engages you in a staring contest through your shades. You move them down your face a bit so he can see your eyes. You even lean in closer to him so that he can see them clearly. He continues to stare, although he is trying to close himself off from your own gaze.

It's kind of funny really. While also kind of sad.

Whatever it is he's seeing in your face, it must have gotten to him, because he nods. A quick, jerky motion. Pulling away from you and your staring, he ruffles his already messy hair. You adjust your shades, moving them back to their proper space on your nose.

"All right fine. I'll stay." You smirk as he crosses his arm over his torso once more. He glares at you tiredly. "Do me one favor, you smug asshole. Leave so I can just go the fuck to sleep? I'm so unbelievably tired."

Moving towards his door, you almost agree to let him be for now. Then you remember the light are still out. Your phone is still dead, of course. You never plugged it into anything. You mentally facepalm.

There's some shuffling and a loud FLUMP. You choose to ignore this for now.

"I can't. Not without any light in the hallway. I don't want to end up the butt of my own goddamn joke, if you know what I mean."

You turn back to look at him, but he's already passed out on the floor.

What the actual fuck? He was passed the point of really standing, wasn't he?

You can't just leave. The lights are still precariously dark. Looking at the floor, the puddle from earlier is still highly suspicious. You are reminded of so many questions you need to ask.

Also, he looks really uncomfortable on the floor. For once it's not your so called 'human sensibility' talking. He's not even on one of the piles littering the room.

The most comfortable looking one is made up of various pieces of clothing and bringht red dragon plushes. Either they were a gift from Terezi, or he took them without asking. That's not really waht's important right now though.

You pick him up princess style, because hell yes and why the fuck not-he is your little sleeping princess for the moment, and carry him to the pile. He's really warm. That's all your mind really wants to notice right now, and you frown at weird that feels.

You're so used to Terezi and how much-_cooler_- she is compared to you. It hurts to think that anyone is cooler than yourself and you try to shake the idea away. It's only a physical coolness anyway.

Who are you kidding? She is super radical and cool. You think back on her conversation with the heated bundle in your arms and realize she needs to hear that more often. Next time you see her, you'll do it yourself.

Karkat throws his arms around yourneck in his sleep and you snap to attention.

Right.

He needs to be put on his pile of shitty clothes and plushes. You lower him to the pile, slowly moving away to the best of your abilities. You go to unhook his arms from your neck and instead get pulled down into the ground instead. You narrowly avoid landing directly ontop of him.

"Fuck off, Strider, 'm trying to sleep..." He mumbles. You don't think he's really awake right now, but you reply anyway.

"I'm trying you dick." You whisper. "You're litterally dragging me down man."

The adorable fuck just pulls you in closer to him.

You don't want to wake him up, you doubt he'll be able to get back to sleep anytime soon if you do. So you just lie there. He shifts himself up onto your chest.

That kind of hurts though... Should you just kind of shift him and...?

You've wrapped your arms lightly around him and moved him to lie on his side, sort of curling yourself around him. It's a much less painful position for you, and he stops shifting after a few minutes, so it must work for him as well.

Great.

Just fucking great.

Hopefully he won't bite your face of when he wakes up.

Hopefully he won't decide you are a creepy asshole and leave despite his promise.

You won't let him whether he wants to or not. You're not going to loose him.

Fuck man crushes.

You're probably in love aren't you?

* * *

Close to 4,000 words. Woot.

Karkat and Dave are wordy assholes.

Thank coloUrs and mayhem side a for getting me to finish the goddamn thing. Playing it on repeat was the only thing that could get me to even vaguely concentrate. Also a karkat swear generator was also pretty useful.

There are probably typos. Please tell me where they are if you care about such things. Hopefully they're only minor ones. There's no spell check in wordpad, and this websites version of it sucks.

I give up.

For today at least.


	6. Chapter 6

Let's completely disregard last chapters revelations for a while shall we?

* * *

Holy shit.

This guy is so fucking hot.

He has reached new levels of over the top hotness.

He is straight up burning you with his touch.

His flesh is burning you where ever you two are touching.

No but literally. Jesus fucking Christ. You were so wrong about his sweater wearing ways. You've been called the biggest tool in the universe because you wear your shades everywhere.

Nope.

That title now goes to the overheated sweater wearing ball of monumental self-hate and rage casually referred to in most circles as Karkat Vantas.

It feels like you are dying. He is smothering you to death, trapping you in a bubble of heat and adorable snoring. You sort of wish you were back in Texas. It would at least be cooler there.

Hot damn.

It's as if someone has decided you needed to get all your skin burned off in a snuggle contest.

Maybe you've just been lying in his cathartic embrace for too long? He pulled you into the pile hours ago, anyway. It wasn't actually that bad for the first few hours. You might have even conked out yourself for a little while. In your time trapped in the pits of hell, you've discovered several things:

He becomes hotter than the sun when he falls into a deep sleep.

He snores and half the time it sounds like a kitten purring and the rest of the time it's like a jack hammer on concrete.

Troll freckles are a slightly darker grey than the rest of their skin and Karkat has a light dusting of them on his cheeks and on the bridge of his nose.

Accidental crotch rubbing is fun.

Accidental nads kneeing destroys Boner City.

You have a rather impressive threshold for pain. It might be a recent acquisition though.

Karkat loves to cuddle.

You are sort of claustrophobic.

Cuddling a living breathing heater sucks.

List making isn't working to distract you from the pressing issue of oncoming heat stroke, so you decide to eye the guy snoring into your shoulder.

The skin under his eyes appears almost smooth and you smile.

"Well, would you look at that," you snort, "living breathing Strider pillow. Number one thing guaranteed to fight off the nightmares that cause under eye bruising and general sleeplessness."

Karkat growls and you freeze. If he wakes up he will probably strangle you with your cape. Or at least he'll try. You stay as still as you can and hope for the best. You didn't sign up for another beat down involving a cape. As much fun as it was to dole one out the last time.

Lucky for you, instead of waking up like you were expecting, he rubs his face on your shoulder, pushing away from you. The rush of cold are where he was previously crushing you to death is refreshing. You take a moment to breathe and move to a nearby wall.

Now everything is 10 times colder than you remember.

Cold damn.

Haha.

Fuck. No that was lame.

You're really glad no one can read your thoughts sometimes. Shaking your head you whip out your phone and its charger. A glance around the room leaves you frustrated.

There is not a single outlet for you to use.

It's not that there aren't any in the room though. Karkat is way too attached to his electronics not to have a room full of them. No electricity none of his legendarily shitty romcoms.

No, that isn't the problem. It looks like every one of them is designed for trolltech.

You suppose you could just try to use it anyway. Death by stupidity probably doesn't fall under just or heroic.

You, deciding to be the bright young man the casual observer might not think you are, search the room for some kind of transformer.

No, not the robot cars. The thing that people use when they visit a foreign country but bring their usual electronics. At least you think that's what they're called. You made one a while ago so you could share some shit with the Mayor and Terezi in Cantown.

The thing went missing after a particularly rancorous fight with the grouch in the pile. You think he took it while the Mayor was trying to convince you to help rebuild after a surprisingly damaging meteor shower.

You find what you are looking for in an incredibly foul-smelling pile of dirty clothing and wires. You rub the device vigorously on your pants leg and move to the nearest outlet.

Great. Now you have to wait for it to do its thing. If you want it to charge quickly you can't really play with it. You leave it alone and move over to where Karkat's TV sits.

Maybe watching a troll movie won't be so bad? He can't really only have romcoms, right? The shit he watches can't really be as terrible as the god awful books, can it?

Grabbing the nearest case that doesn't feature two or more trolls gazing longingly at each other, you try to remember how troll shit works.

Poking at a button like protrusion turns the TV on. Awesome.

Aha. That is probably a DVD player. You stare at the assortment of buttons to push. Are they all really just for the DVD player?

Trying all the buttons on the little machine yields no result. Looks like it was never actually DVD player.

Well then.

This is stupid. There are like seven different machines that could potentially be a DVD player. You don't actually care about watching the movie in your hands. It may be the least boring looking thing that you've found, but that doesn't make it interesting.

You're tempted to just through the thing across the room in consternation. Two things are stopping you:

1) You are clearly too cool to let something so trivial as a stupid troll DVD player get to you

2) It'd probably wake up the eternal bundle of joy that is Karkat.

He is curled up in a ball, reminiscent of a small and adorable animal trying to conserve heat out in the cold. If you didn't know how overheated he actually is you might be tempted to give him your cape as a cover. It has always been a good insulator on those days when you didn't feel like going all the way back to your room. Naptime in Cantown can never go wrong so long as you have your cape.

Except for the Doritos shower of year two. Never again.

_Never ever again._

You plop yourself on a couch that looks like it should be in the library and stare at the ceiling. It's made up in a patchwork of various shiny metal panels, all of which appear to be shoddily bolted in place. In your boredom, you play a game of match two, trying to find panels that look to be about the same size and general shape. It takes a good twenty minutes to find all the pairs in your line of view.

Fun. Oh so very fun.

You blink rapidly and return your discerning gaze upon the machines that surround Karkat's TV. Two or three of them are blinking ominously. The rest seem to be shut down completely or simply unplugged. You're not really sure which. To be technically it's more that you don't care than you don't know.

Reaching forward you press a button on each of the working boxes. Eventually a tray like protrusion pushes out and you grin.

Fantastic.

It looks to be a perfectly normal disc slot. Maybe a little bit small compared to the ones on earth, but hey, from what you've gleaned from your time with the trolls, they existed for a long ass time before the game doomed them. They probably figured out how to get more information onto a piece of plastic or whatever discs are made of.

Popping open the case and taking the little disc out, you gently place movie in the machine and poke the drawer shut. It immediately whirs to life and you sit back and get comfortable.

The music that heralds the beginning of the movie comes blasting from the speakers. It seems you were not destined to sit quietly and watch a movie. You move as quickly as you can to turn the television off again and succeed after rapidly pressing all the buttons.

A loud growl from the general direction of Karkat's pile tells you of your failure to let sleeping trolls lie and you turn to face the most likely angry troll.

You narrowly dodge an old sweater that has been thrown your way, and he tries to trip you as you flash towards your charging phone.

"Strider, what the grub humping fuck are you doing in here? I told you to leave hours ago." He looks at the empty movie case and squints warily up at you, "Did you just come back to mess with my shit?"

"It's kind of still pitch dark out in that hallway man. I mean, I could probably brave the hallways, I am a cool motherfucker who don't need no lights, but I figured it'd be safer to just wait for my phone to charge enough to light the way. Unless you have a way to call Kanaya I am stuck in here."

Karkat has always been an unreasonable guy. It's one of the things you like about him. While a reasonable person would give up if someone said they weren't interested in a conversation, Karkat has forced people to sit and listen to him. Like the time he told you and John that you had to date Jade and Rose respectively.

Granted, you are equally stubborn. That was a conversation on pesterchum. You literally just had to leave the chat to ignore him. But you stayed and you forced him to kick you out. He still had his say though, for all the attention you paid.

The point is; he is looks pissed. It's the same level of anger and annoyance that he portrayed during the penis Ouija incident. It's more in his body language than anything else. He's clenching an old t-shirt between two clawed hands, kneeling rigidly in place. The cloth is quickly ripping down the center and that says a lot for the rage shit that's about to come.

He looks tired.

Again.

Apparently the rest wasn't as refreshing as you thought. The bags are already reappearing under his eyes.

You stare each other down. He is the first to fold.

Some much for the ragetastic tirade you were expecting.

"Strider…" he grumbles, gnashing his teeth a bit in the process. "I don't know how they do it-or, should I say _did it_-on your shitty little planet. Trollian only gave us so much when it came to watching you shitmonkeys, but where I come from; we have this simplistic thing called _privacy_. It's a common goddamn courtesy to let sleeping trolls lie."

"Dude, I would have left if-".

"I give about, I don't know, _zero fucks_ what you would have done. It's what you actually did that's the problem. What bulgeshitting fuckmouth told you that you could touch my movies? Who told you to go searching through my shit? Why the fuck does the clothes next to me smell like you? Where in-"

Did he just say the clothes next to him smells like you? Why does he know what you smell like? Are you really that rank? You're still pretty sure your pajamas are self-cleaning.

Like specifically, he can tell it's you he smells.

What.

No.

Has he been sniffing you when you weren't paying attention?

That's kind of creepy.

And cute?

What is this?

Maybe he…

No. Not going to think about it that way.

Nope.

Abort.

ABORT.

God damn it he's staring at you again.

ABORT MISSION.

"Maybe you should ask why it's taking so long for my phone to charge. I mean I'd be gone already if you hadn't, y'know, _dragged me down into the pile with you." _He scrunches his nose up in perfectly (_adorable)_ justifiable confusion and you elaborate. "You see, you passed out, went and flumped down on your face. I, being the kindly fucking gentleman knight that I am, picked your adorable little ass up off the ground, and carried you bridal style to your lonely marriage bed-pile-thing. We are married now Karkat. I have every right to touch your shit. I will fondle all of your stuff until each and every item creams itself in pure ecstasy."

"Shut the fuck up you groinhumping douchewrigler." His hands are on your face. You moved just enough away that he's sort of cupping your cheek.

He is still so warm from sleep. Instead of moving away from him, like any sensible person might, you turn your head just enough to kiss his palm. He flinches away from you in apparent disgust.

Oh.

Ow.

Jesus.

You've never felt this way before.

It's like someone punched you right in the chest. Your heart is sinking into your gut to get away from the pain.

God, that's such a cliché thing to think.

You feel sick.

Oh god.

He's yelling again.

In the back of your mind you think this is the most he's said to you in a long ass time. That somehow makes the sinking feeling worse.

Holy fuck.

"What the hell? Why the fuck did you kiss my palm? Who even does that?"

You force yourself to smirk. Be cool. It is your emotional default, right?

Cool, calm and collected. You are the coolest kid. It has always been you. _It will always be you._

"Calm down Karkles. Damn. I knew you'd overreact." Now you force a laugh. It hurts. But it sounds genuine enough. "I just wanted your hand off my face. No one gets to touch this hot body without my permission."

You shuffle away from him and head towards your charging phone. Oh thank god. It's up to 25% already. You found your way here with less power.

"I'm pretty sure Terezi always touches you without your permission douche shit." Karkat followed you over to where you're standing. You want to flinch as you feel him getting too close. His breath on your cheek makes you want to squirm.

"She always has my permission, Vantas. She took me to court for rights to touch my fine ass. They caved and handed everything over to her. Now _I _can't even wipe my ass without her say so."

Why is he suddenly so close?

Why now?

"Do you mind, man? Weren't you just shouting about personal space and privacy or something?" Oh fuck. He looks confused again. Confusion makes for some adorable expressions when it comes to this little fucker. "Yes, we did have those things on Earth, too. Maybe not in my place, but it was common in most other places. You can even ask Rose."

You want him to move away. You want him to stay right there next to you. You want to kiss him. You want to stop feeling like an overly hormonal teenager.

"Are you done asshole? I just wanted to sleep for once on this piece of shit rock." He slumps away from you and heads back to his shitty little pile. Something about him seems off now. You're not sure what it is.

He looks like he was expecting something different. It bothers you way more than you should.

You want to say something to that. Say he got plenty of sleep snuggled comfortably (for him at least) in your embrace.

But suddenly you're tired, too. Tired of all the sudden drama. Tired of the way he looks at you in disgust. Tired of how the thought of flirting with Karkat in earnest makes you feel.

Goddamn it.

You're going to leave.

But you'll be back. Some part of you knows that you aren't done dealing with the flighty troll.

* * *

I said at the beginning I have no idea what I'm doing.

It's still true.

And I'm so sorry.


End file.
